I HAVE MOVED MY BLOG TO TUMBLR

Hi! I've decided to move my blog to tumblr in hopes of getting more readers! Check it out!
http://awkwarddiaries.tumblr.com/

Mistaking Someone for a Salesperson

You're clothing shopping; for some of us this is an awkward experience in itself. Perhaps you can't find your size. You decide to do the logical thing and ask one of the store's employees if they can assist you. "Excuse me, do you have this in a size 6 by any chance?" Upon asking, you receive a very dirty look, the type that puts nervous butterflies (more like wasps) in your stomach. "I don't work here", is the mistaken employee's agitated response. Your reaction should be to get out of there asap! Not only have you just revealed your size to a complete stranger, you've most likely also embarrassed them and yourself. A curt, "Oh, I'm sorry!" will suffice, anything more just adds to the awkwardness. This can be equally as awkward if it is you being mistaken for a salesperson. Here you are, just minding your own business, trying to get your shopping done. I'm sorry, do I look like a Wal-Mart employee? Am I wearing one of those navy blue vests? No. And after I inform you politely that I do not work here, please do not try to start up a conversation. Yes, I'm aware that this is a nice store, oh that's interesting that you need new glasses, please stop talking to me, WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO ME. Just respect the awkwardness, and walk away.

Remember, the degree of awkwardness of this situation can be reduced greatly by the way you handle things. Just be polite and get out of there!

Forgetting a Birthday

You're sitting with a friend talking casually, nothing unusual at all. That is until another person comes along, with a big goofy grin and yells, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" You immediately feel like a complete idiot. Here you were, talking about how stupid your chemistry prof is, or how disappointed you were with the last SNL."Oh my gosh! It's your birthday! Happy Birthday" you say, but you still look and feel like a dumbass for forgetting. Awkward.

When There isn't Enough Room for You

This is one of the worst feelings. Your friends are all headed off to that fast food joint down the street. You start to collect your things, getting ready to go with them. "Umm...there's not enough seats in the car, sorry!" You pretend you don't care, "Oh, ya, no, that's fine, I've got a lot of stuff to do anyways, don't even worry about it." Your little heart sinks as you sit back down, face red, near tears (maybe). Not everyone can be like Rebecca Black, with so many options: Back seat? Front seat? How about NO seat. And this situation isn't only awkward for you, it is most likely awkward for the folks that just had to shut you down like that. If they're good friends, maybe one will offer to stay behind with you, or they'll ask you if they can bring you anything back. If they aren't decent enough to do one of those things, I think it's time for some new friends.

This scenario can also occur when you go to the cafeteria, lunch area, or whatever and go to sit down. You notice that there are no available seats. This results in awkwardness. Perhaps no one notices you, perhaps no one invites you to pull up a seat. Here are your options:

a) Quietly slink away: Hopefully there's an available bathroom stall for you to eat your lunch in, Mean Girls style.  

b) Pull up a chair to the table and have a seat. This usually requires multiple steps:

   1) Walk over to another table, ask the people sitting there if you can snag the extra seat by them. Additional awkwardness is added if they say no...
   2) Drag the chair over to your table, and have everyone awkwardly shift over to make room for you.

   3) Sit down, everyone will probably be uncomfortably squished, sitting shoulder to shoulder.

It should be noted that the most awkward possible outcome, is that you end up sitting not at the table, but in a chair behind someone at the table. You are not really in the group, but literally on the outside edge. It is difficult for you to join the conversation from this position, so you will most likely just be sitting awkwardly, feeling like a zero.
Don't be discouraged, next time you'll just have to get to the cafeteria sooner. It's not that your peers don't want you to sit with them (necessarily). There just isn't enough room. So God forbid, if you're ever in this situation, feeling alone, just remember this post my friend. It happens to the best of us.

Talking About Someone, and then Realizing They're Near By...

Whether it's an "Oh my God! What was Susan thinking when she wore that shirt. Try losing 10 pounds before you try to pull of that look again." or a "Damn, Mike's girlfriend has got him whipped! What a tool", the dread is the same when you feel that sting down your spine. You slowly turn in terror to see the very person you were just gossiping about has been only a few feet away from you the whole time you were bad mouthing them. Your eyes widen, and you the proceed to spend the rest of the day wondering if they've heard you or not. Of coarse it's even worse when you know clearly that they've heard you. Oh the shame! The embarrassment! Your cheeks turn bright red. Time for some major damage control. You're options:
a) Own it: Stick to your guns with a "Ya, Mike honestly, man up." OR
b) Do some major ass kissing: "I mean, Susan, you hit the mark every other time. Girl, you walk in here looking like Gisele Bundchen every day. Like, honestly I don't know how you do it! You're amazing! Did I ever tell you that? You're just so amazing..."
How terribly awkward.

That Awkward Pause in Conversation

Maybe it's a first date, or perhaps you're talking to an aquaintance. However you get there, things have gotten to that awkward point where both parties have completely run out of things to say. You glance to the side, up at the ceiling, down on the ground, pretend to check your phone, glance to the side again. You're becoming frantic! You have two options:

a) Continue to stare blankly, and hope to think of something intelligent to say asap! OR
b) Say the first stupid thing that pops into your flustered little mind.
No matter what you choose, it's most likely going to be awkward.

The Introduction

Hello, before I even begin to introduce this blog, I'd like to bring up a very valid point. There is nothing more awkward than first introductions.

Just the other day, I was on the set of a movie for an extra job. I didn't know a single soul, but it seemed that somehow everyone else had at least one person they knew. Ah yes, this unfortunate instance has happened to all of us at least once before. You've felt that jab in your stomach when you realize you're all alone, without a friend in sight. Be it at a new job, new school, extra curricular, whatever. It feels pretty lonely.

Oh the courage I had to muster up in order to introduce myself to someone. If you're anything like me, this process is quite difficult. I usually follow a particular protocol:

1) Scout out a potential friend: This person should be normal in appearance, not too cool, but not a total dork. You don't want it to look like you associate with weirdos, but at the same time, you don't want to risk humiliating yourself in front of the coolest kid in the crowd. Yes, avoid the scraggly little dweeb with the greasy bangs wearing the old camp t-shirt. But also be sure not to try to mingle with the person leaning against the wall, chewing gum with a stand-offish attitude. The person you're looking for is the guy or girl with a put together, groomed look, and friendly attitude. This person should also be somewhere in your age range. If you're a 17 year old boy, it's maybe not the best idea to try to strike up a convo with the 42 year old mom. Why? You probably won't have much in common, leading to even more awkwardness.

2) Getting over the jitters: This is where you give yourself a little pep-talk. You know that you're a nice kid...at least that's what your mother told you. You're just as good a person as anyone else in that room, and anyone would be happy to converse with ya! Take a deep breath, you can do it!

3) The Approach: It's a lot easier to talk to someone when they're along, rather than when they're in a big group. If your potential friend happens to stray from their posse, this is a perfect time to introduce yourself. Make sure you don't lurk like a creeper, anxiously awaiting your moment of opportunity. Try to relax, have a drink, do a little texting, whatever. The last thing you want is for them to notice you glaring creepily in the corner, awaiting their isolation. When you find a good moment, walk up confidently. Take a deep breath and just say it! "Hi, I'm Angie, how are you" (or something along the lines of that)

4) The Response: You hold your breath, hoping they will reciprocate with a similar greeting. You cringe internally at the thought of them perhaps giving you the "wtf...why is this weirdo talking to me look". There's not a thing more awkward.
5) To shake, or not to shake: Now, if you're a 15 year old girl, shaking hands may be a little weird. I mean, you're young, hand skaes aren't the "cool" thing for ya. Now on the other hand, if you're a 31 year old guy, a hand shake is very appropriate. Normally, I wait to see if they reach out for a handshake, and if they do, I whip out one of my best firm but not-too-firm gripped shakes.
6) The after intro talk: Now, of course you don't want to smile, creepily shift your eyes, do a 180 and walk away after you introduce yourself. Take a minute to think of a conversation starter. For instance, 'I'm new to this (school, job, w/e), this is my first (day, week, w/e) or something along the lines of that. This hopefully will lead to a conversation, and if you're lucky, they will introduce you to their friends.
Ah yes, nothing more awkward than approaching a complete stranger, hoping for a bit of camaraderie.